Its swallowing me. I can't seem to see through it. I feel as if in one day my life is slowly slipping. Why do I feel this way? Why can I never seem to feel truly happy? Why do I feel as if I am a failure at everything? Bad sister, bad daughter, bad friend. Bad mommy. Why can't I seem to get a grip on life? What am I doing wrong? I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling as if nothing I do will ever matter. I hate disappointing those who love me the most. Especially Lyla.
Will life ever be mine again? Will I ever feel loved? Will I ever feel accepted? When? When will I feel this? What am I doing wrong? It seems as though no matter what I do, its not good enough. What is good enough? How can I be good enough? Someone, please tell me! I am feeling empty. I am feeling alone. I don't want to feel this way. I mask it in a fake smile. I don't want to mask it anymore. I wan't someone to see it. I want someone to reach out. I want someone to ask me if I'm okay.
Did I make the right choice? Was I listening to God, or my own self? I am lost in a sea of uncertainty. How can I swim out? I am reaching, reaching out to Him. Will He answer me? Will He take my hand and love me like I want to be loved? Will He, no matter how many times I falter, still love me with all his being? I certainly hope so.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
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Kylee i hate that your are feeling this was. I have asked those questions before. I know where youre at. God has a plan got everyone and he knows your plan from the very second he creats you in his oh so wonderous mind. Stay stong for Lyla.
ReplyDeleteKylee, I don't like to say much online because you never know whose reading, but know that I understand and that I'm here if you ever need to just talk about anything. (((hugs))) Louise x
ReplyDeletekylee its never good when you see a friend feel this way im here for you to talk if you want to . like haley said be strong for lyla, you might not feel it right now but i m sure she knows your the best mommy! keep your head up life throws you curve balls just swing away =]
ReplyDeleteI hate that you are feeling this way. God will answer you in His time in His way. Just know you are doing the best you can. I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteHe has a plan for you and Lyla, he has from the very start and he is using both of you in beautiful ways. Theres no way he'd ever put you through something he didn't think you were strong enough to handle and thats saying a lot :)
ReplyDeletewe all know you're amazing mommy, friend, sister, and daughter I just wish you could see it girl. I look up to you, I know what an amazing wonderful young woman you are becomming and so does god and everyone that surrounds you :)
If you ever need to talk I'm here, If you ever need a laugh or a stress relief I'M HERE :) It really upsets me to see you feeling this way, you've put such a smile on my face for months now :) I can't be having my Kylee depressed :( you're too beautiful to look sad!!!!!
Love ya girl! idk if you'll take me up on this but if you want my number to have just to text if you're feeling bummy one day and just need someone to talk to I'll message it to you! we all have those days where its just nice to have someone to vent to if no one else is around LOL I sure need them, a lot lately hahah.
Kylee, I wish I could reach out and hug you right now!! I am 35 years old and still ask myself those same questions. Remember feelings are fleeting, they are not a good gauge to determine *truth* God's word is the truth! I do believe he uses pain and struggles to cause us to look up to him, but Satan uses the same pain to whisper lies to us. So look up to God, and shut the door on Satan!
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing person! You are so much stronger than I was at your age!
I am sure the day you conceived Lyla, Satan rejoiced because he thought he had you in the bag! When in all reality you have blossomed into the most beautiful woman of God! You truly exemplify the truth that "God works together all things for good, for those who love him." THAT is the truth, sure you are going to make mistakes but God is a gracious God who is ready to help you back up!
When things look dark and bleak, ponder the good work that God has started in you, and have faith that He will be faitful to complete it!
*Hug*
Jen
PS Of course I am always here! If you need someone to talk to!
PSS God is definately big enough to help fix all of the mistakes us mommies make! Just point Lyla to her true Father, and show her what a gracious loving Father he is! You both are going to be okay. Like I said before, I can't wait to see who the lucky fella is who gets you two girls as his prize! In the meantime, know that you are the bride of Christ!