Life. It comes at you fast. I think every normal human being can attest to that. For some reason, I have been living in this delusion that life doesn't effect me. I can beat it. I can just squeeze by without the slightest bit of responsibility. NEWS FLASH: I can't.
Yesterday was one of the biggest turning points in my life. This car accident has really shown me and my family some things. The main one being: I cannot be a teenager any longer. I am a mother. 21 months ago I became a mother. I became a mother the day I found out I was pregnant. Goodbye teenager hood, hello mommy hood.
My family and I have recently made some VERY tough decisions. Some that I almost don't want to talk about. Some that are leaving me feeling raw and helpless. On the flip side, I am excited. I know that through these tough decisions, I will start to feel more independent. I will truly be a mother to my daughter, 100%.
Lyla is my life. I take care of her every day. I am her rock. I am her mommy. But that's all I am. I am not her provider. As much as I want to be, I am not. You see, I am only raising Lyla half way. My parents pay for everything. I do not have a job. Every single thing that Lyla needs financially, comes from them. That is one thing that is going to change.
The first step to achieving Independence is in the form of me getting a job. I am dropping out of school. Yes, I thought I would be a different sort of teen mom. One that finishes school and walks with her class. Well, guess what, I AM A TEEN MOM!! I am going to do what I have too, to provide for Lyla. Yesterday was my official last day on a high school campus. I am grieving this tremendously, but I know in my heart it is the right thing.
Come Monday, when I get my car back, I am off job hunting. I will take the very first job that comes my way. Once I finally do find a good job, I am going to get my GED. I am going to study hard, and pass it. Once I get my GED, and turn 18, I will be able to get a much more rewarding job. Will I be making 30 bucks an hour? Probably not. But at least I will be providing for my daughter financially.
Lastly, I am pushing Lyla's father for child support. Matthew helped create our beautiful daughter, and he needs to help out too. It shouldn't have to be my parents footing the bill while I run around and play teenager. Nope, I am a mommy, 100%, and that's what I want to be. I hate high school anyways!! Matthew is going to help with our daughter. He needs to help with her. With his child support, and my new job, I will be able to provide for my daughter. Yeah, its gonna be really hard. Yeah, I am probably going to cry a lot. Yeah, I am going to miss out on so many thing. But what I will receive from this is so much greater than anything I can even fathom. I know God knows what He is doing, and I am going to trust Him with my whole heart.
With all that being said, I may not be posting in here as much as I usually do. One of my problems is that I have a major Internet addiction. I will admit it, I LOVE THE COMPUTER! I want to eventually go to college and have a career with computers, but that isn't my focus right now. This computer isn't mine, it is my parents'. I do not know if I will be allowed to use it much, or if at all. I hope that I will be able to continue my blogging, and recording of my life with Lyla, but right now, I am not making that my priority. If all of my dear followers feel the need to remove my blog from your list, then I very much understand, but I hope you will stick in this with me.
I love sharing my story, and documenting my life. I hope to continue to do that through these difficult and stressful times coming. Please please pray for me. I could use all the prayer I can get! Thank you all for listening, and I hope I will be back soon to update you all. God bless.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
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You will be in my prayers, I will still keep your blog on my list because I am looking forward to the day you let us all know how well everything is going! I wish you all the luck. You may have it a lot harder than some, but in the end, you will be much more stronger and have a wonderful story of perseverance to share with others.
ReplyDeleteIt is no one's job to judge you, no one is walking in your shoes expect for yourself, so you are the only one who knows what is right for you. Time flies, before you know it, you will be where you want in a blink of an eye, as long as you work hard and are dedicated to achieving the most out of life.
My best friend, I grew up with since pre-k is also a teen mom. She is 32 now. She dropped out of school and got her GED. She then continued her education and made a life for herself. I cried tears of happiness for her the day she walked across the stage and received her degree in nursing. She had it hard, but did it and you can too! She is now the bread winner in the family and supports both of her children and practically her husband too!
I will be thinking of you!
My husband and I will definitely be praying for you! Being a young mom is hard. You are even younger than I am, and I can't even imagine what you must be going through. That's so wonderful what you are doing for your daughter and for yourself. You are a very strong woman to be going through all of this and making such tough decisions. I'm sure it will all be worth it in the end.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with everything! I am looking forward to your return to the blogging world, hopefully you will still be able to keep everyone updated every once in a while!
oh kylee I will def be praying everyday for you!! I really hope matthew starts helping you and your family out, its just as much his responsiblity as it is yours.
ReplyDeleteIt saddens me that you have to drop out but I realize you're doing whats best for you and Lyla, I wish you all the luck in the world, You are already an amazing mommy, this is just another way you are proving just how amazing you are :)
I do hope you can keep blogging, I always look so forward to your posts, and I love love love talking to you! awh this makes me so sad :( but I know its for the best!! good luck with everything my dear kylee<333
Kylee,
ReplyDeleteI Knew By That Face You Had Last Night At Youth That Something Wasn't Going Right. I KNOW How Much You Hate People Being In Your Face All The Time So I Made Sure I Didn't Bug You Too Much. But I Had To Make Sure You Were Okay(: Tonight At The Volley Ball Game I Could Not BELIEVE Andrea And Shelby, I Do Not Mean To Gossip But I Could Tell That You And I Were On The Same Page..I Had Asked Alexa In Geometry Today If Everything Was Going Okay With You And She Had Told Me That You Were Not Going To Come Back To School. I Knew Then At The Volley Ball Game That I Was Not Going To Bring It Up, Like You Had Told Shelby That It Was None Of Her Buisness lol. I Dont Want To Rant Too Much But I Know God Will Guide You Through Your Journey. Remember: He Never Gives Us More Than We Can Handle(: That Means Your One Tough Chick!(: Love Ya Lots Kylee. You Will Most Definatly Be In MY Prayers(:
-Emma Jo<3
Of course I will pray for you...you've had to make some tought decisions, but I just know that God will make sure you have everything you and Lyla need. It sounds like he's taking you down an interesting path that is seeing you learn so much about yourself...scary...but exciting xxx
ReplyDeleteBeing a teen mom is never easy and probably to be a parent neither, especially when you are a single parent.
ReplyDeleteI will pray for you and follow your blog, because I'd like to know how you are doing in raising Lyla and building your life.
You can come very far with hard work and a huge amount of strenght. There will be times, where you think you can't keep track of your life, but we all have those moments and times.
being independent is such a huge step and I'm glad you do this. Not all people have the strenght to do this.
Let us know once in while how you are doing.
I pray for you two!
God bless you!
Thank you all so much for your very kind words of encouragement. Your prayers are also greatly appreciated. Hearing these very kind words from you all really gives me the strength to go out there and do what I need to do for me and Lyla. I am going to be posting on here as much as possible, even if they are one sentence updates. Thank you all once again.
ReplyDeleteWith Love,
Kylee
Kylee, I admire your strength and I have enjoyed "getting to know you" tonight. Please keep blogging...I intend on following. It's great to see driven women who pick themselves up and move forward in the face of trials. I praise God for women like you!!
ReplyDeleteAngie
I just found your blog this evening and have been "catching up" on your life - you made me laugh and cry along with your posts.
ReplyDeleteI too admire your strength and decision to provide for your daughter. I hope you get the child support.
Cherish each stage with your daughter :)
And just a thought - are you able to make money on the side as a photographer, since that is what your dream is?
Or, if not make money, barter your photography skills for things you need for your daughter (clothes, toys, bed, etc.) I have bartered my photography for quite a few things from people - I used craigslist to get my name out.