I just can't figure out why. Why after two years am I all of the sudden thinking about Matthew? I don't understand it. I have been over him for more than two years, and now, out of the blue, I am missing him, wishing things were different. Why? For goodness sakes, WHY!?!?!
So much has happened between us that I don't think we could even be friends, let alone more than that. So why do I wish that I could hold his hand again? Run my hands through his thick dark hair? Tell him I still love him?
Is it because Lyla is growing up so much? It could be. I look into her eyes and see him. I see him in her eyes every single day. I find myself thinking, "What if he came around and was a father to her?" I know he could be a good father, if only he just tried. And I know she would love him.
Are things ever going to change? Do I even want them to? I am torn in two different directions. I can't seem to put my finger on what I feel, and what I want. I just don't understand my sudden conflict. Not one little bit.
Friday, March 19, 2010
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Hang in there girl, I know it's hard to think about the what ifs. They get into everyones brain and confuses them :(
ReplyDeleteThe way I see it Matthew hasn't proven to you or Lyla that he even deserves to be in your lives. You two girls are going to be mother & daughter but also best friends. You don't need a guy who doesn't even make an effort ya know?
I feel as if from reading your other blog about your pregnancy that you are a much much better person without him around anyway :)
I know god has a special plan for the both of you, and a special guy he's holding out for you. Just be patient, and He'll be worth it and a much better person for Lyla to grow up with than Matthew<3 I promise!
love youuuu!
I don't know what it's like to have a child with someone that isn't around to help parent, but I do know what it's like to have feelings for someone from your past where it makes no sense to love them.
ReplyDeleteIt hurts, alot, and there's no way to get over it; no matter how hard you try to think logically about the situation and why you shouldn't care or love or long for that person, you're back at square one, wishing and wanting.
I don't know if that helps any, but I hope it does ;)
I'm sorry love =[ It's true, I think your better without him too.. but I know that you can't help but miss him. And I've seen the look on your face the past few days, and I can tell how badly it's getting to you and how much it's hurting. I know that I can't exactly relate to you, but I'm here if you need to vent or anything, anytime. <3
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